 |
| The cab shortage is really showing |
Between the inane conversation I am forced to have with these individuals, and the fact that i'm treated as if i'm asking for his firstborn when I tell this cunt to hang up on his 10-way conference call with his cousin, who funnily enough is also named Mohammed, is also a cab driver, also at work but is in Mumbai, so he has to yell so they can hear each other over the traffic, the Bollywood music and the chickens.
And of course all this happens only if you can get one of the fuckers to stop for you! This friday just gone I spent the better part of 2 hours trying to get a cab out of the city. What the fuck!? Honestly! these fuckers are driving around with their "available" lights off when they have no passengers so that they can't get in shit for breach of the transport code which specifically states...
"Once hailed, a driver cannot refuse a fare that is too short or inconvenient. Drivers may indicate at the end of a shift that they will only accept fares to destinations which are on the way to the taxi-cab's home base. The driver will display a sign that indicates the relevant destination."
..but with their lights OFF, they can just pull over for the fares where there 2 dozen wasted blonde chicks who might be willing to eat their fare.
 |
| No more, because you never pick anyone up to be attacked by them |
And what IS with the conersations you have with a cab driver anyway? I fucking hate it so much, because every time I get in a cab I run through the same script over and over again. Why do I bother? Because I don't want to be "that arrogant fucker who thought he was to good to talk to the guy driving home". What the fuck do I care about their feelings, really? You've got my money you should be feeling good already, turn of the fucking radio and switch on your dispatcher cunt. If you had've done that already you might have known about the traffic on Cleveland street and made the intelligent decision to take the cross city tunnel so I could've been home half an hour ago.
And I feel constantly that when I do try and have a conversation with these guys their thinking that I'm forcing it; which nine times out of ten, I am, which in turn offends them more-so, and then me because they think that they are allowed to be offended by my actions. Haven't you heard "the customers always right?" or maybe this would help...
"चुप हो और समझते हैं कि मैं तुमसे बेहतर हूँ और तुम क्या करोगे तुम क्या कर रहे हैं कहा"
The number one hate I have with taxi drivers is when they don't know where the fuck they are, or how to get to a simple destination.
DRIVER: How do you get there?
ME: I don't know mate, you're the fucking cab driver. Don't you know?
DRIVER: No, I do not.
ME: Got a GPS mate?
DRIVER: No, you tell me which way it is you would like me to go.
ME: You've got a fucking book of road maps surely, look it up, you'd know better than me, I'm in a cab because I DO NOT drive and/or I'm drunk, so can we get a fucking move on?
DRIVER: Alright I will look for you sir.
ME: Want to stop the metre while you waste some more of my time?
DRIVER: Very sorry, very sorry.
ME: I can't believe you don't know where Pyrmont is mate. WE ARE IN NEWTOWN! IT'S AROUND THE CORNER. Do you know where the National maritime museum is?
DRIVER: No
ME: Harbourside?
DRIVER: No
ME: Star City Casino
DRIVER: No
ME: The American Express Building
DRIVER: Oh no no no no no, they call me too much to have to go see them, haha (I call you you cunt, pay your fucking statement)
ME: I don't know, there is a good curry hut on Harris Street?
DRIVER: Oh I think I may know this place now, yes.
OK, so the Curry Hut is bullshit, but besides that I've been in this situation more times than I can count. Which brings me to 2 further infractions..
"Taxi drivers should know and use major routes. Furthermore, drivers are expected to know of major destinations within their zone. These include airports, major railway stations, major hotels and sporting and cultural facilities."
AND
"Drivers are required to meet English literacy comprehension standards which are set down in the approved Course in Taxi Driving."
I've had cab drivers ask me to type the street name into the fucking GPS (when they do have one) because they don't understand me. Seriously? Garden Street, you're having a hard time understanding GARDEN STREET!?
I know playing the racial card is a tad below the belt. I am cool with whatever you want to do or whoever you are, creed, colour, sex, age or persuasion...
...On your own time. Speak english not a vague bastardised version that is harder to decipher than Stephen Hawking if he was really excited about some string theory shit and was talking/typing so fast his computer generated voice was traded in for a mixture of Dizzee Rascal and Ozzy Osbourne. I mean, I got in a cab the other day where the passenger seat had beads on it. I can't believe that on Christmas day you can get a cab in an instant, but Rammadanh you to fight for a cab 40 days in a row.
What's worse is that, I have no licence and let's face it, would rarely be fit to be behind the wheel in Forza 3, let alone in reality, and that I still feel that I would be more confident in my limited road knowledge and non-existant driving skills half the time. I mean have a look at this from the Victorian Transport Department...
http://www.transport.vic.gov.au/DOI/Internet/vehicles.nsf/AllDocs/799E2D83EDA6307ACA2571D100830FF7?OpenDocument
This is just a list of the most common fines. Not a list of all possible fines, merely, the most common.
How many drivers do you see with their photo displayed areound the city? I had a cab driver TELL ME he is not the guy in the photo once but it is his cousin, but he is in Australia for a few weeks to look at Universities for next year, and that he was coming to study medicine. Whilst he was here though he needed to make some money, so his cousin let him drive his cab for a few nights to help him through.
Now with the dodging of all the livestock in the street in his home country I assumed he would be an alert and attentive driver. 2 red lights later we got pulled over, and the fucking dick doesn't turn the meter off and with an unlicened non accredited taxi driver you're going to be sitting there a while.
The cops aren't supposed to pull over a taxi driver with a passenger in it, but driving that poor, and without an "UNAVAILABLE" light, I can't really hold it against them can I? Print out that list for yourselves Victorians, put it in your wallet, handbag, backpack, whatever. So next time you can tell the fucking idiot how much this fare just cost him.
Why can't I get the fucking Cash Cab, or whatever the hell it's called? Instead, I get in a cab and get abused for only having a $50 note. What? It's $25 change mate? Actually, It's $31 now because you're being a cunt gave your tip to the homeless guy that's shaking so much he looks like a human dradle over there out the front of the post office. Honestly, be prepared fuckhead, and be happy I didn't try and pay you in 5 cent pieces because..
"Australian coins and currency (including Federal reserve notes and circulating notes of Federal reserve banks and national banks) are legal tender"
They only taxi drivers I've ever liked are Andy Kauffman and Travis Bickle.
And they wonder why they get stabbed on a regular basis...
It's because next time when someone wants to go to St. Vincents, they'll remember where it is.
11/12/10
